Let’s Hate Something. Today I Hate Stand-Up Comedy

Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone who refuses to be pigeonholed by such archaic terms, gather round as we hate the irritating world of stand-up comedy. Yes, that’s right. It’s high time we address the elephant in the room — or rather, the microphone on stage — and express our feigned disdain for this form of entertainment that insists on making us laugh against our better judgment.

Let’s see, what can we find in stand-up comedy worth hating? There must be something. After all, today is the day to hate something so we must have something!

Alright, let’s go!

First off, stand-up comedians have the audacity to think they can waltz onto a stage, armed with nothing but a microphone and their wits, and make us chortle, guffaw, and, heaven forbid, snort in public. The sheer nerve! In what world is it acceptable to cause strangers to laugh so hard that they cry, disrupting our otherwise perfectly poised demeanor? And don’t get me started on the “relatable” content. Oh, how we loathe being reminded of our shared human experiences and quirks in a humorous light. How dare they make us feel understood and connected to those around us?

And then, there’s the laughter — that involuntary reaction stand-up comedians seem to extract from us with surgical precision. It’s almost as if they know what they’re doing, using carefully crafted narratives, timing, and tone to elicit our mirth. This manipulation of our emotions is surely a nefarious plot to make us temporarily…