Member-only story
I keep saying I’m fine even when I’m not
I’ve said it so many times it doesn’t even sound real anymore.
I’m fine, it’s the quick answer, the safe one. People seem to buy it. Most people don’t want to hear the truth, anyway. When I look around people are busy, dealing with their own lives, their own struggles. So, I say I’m okay, and I leave it at that.
It’s strange. Looking at my life from the outside perspective, I’d say everything is good. I have a decent job, pay my bills on time. I have friends I can text and meet for a beer on a Friday night, I keep my apartment neat, I show up to family events, I laugh at people’s jokes, I remember birthdays.
It looks fine. On paper, everything checks out. But if you asked me to sit down and honestly tell you how I feel about my life, about myself, I wouldn’t know where to begin.
Sometimes,I think I’ve spent my entire life like this. Just existing, not living in any deep, meaningful way, but existing. Passing through days, passing through months.
I say I’m okay, and maybe I’ve convinced myself that’s enough.
It happened once. It happened again. It happens all the time.
I gave up. I don’t feel like I should try to explain how I feel to anyone.
